You are not worth living. You are absolutely useless to me and I mean every single drop of my tear which hits the ground with so much anger and agony. You are incredibly beautiful in so many ways, but I know you don't like me. Unfortunately I am not as beautiful as you are and I don't think I will ever be. I no more believe in your generosity towards me, therefore all I wish is to leave you.
There was one night in my life when my mind was devastated with so much pain, that I couldn't handle myself no more ... Life, I swear to you, I could of die back then. The problem is not that "I could of", but "I should of". I keep thinking about my opportunities of leaving you and I know there is nothing to regret about anything. I was taking advantage as much as I could and I did try my best to live with you happily, but all I could of come up with in the past two years are melancholy, tears running all over my face till I can taste this familiar poison on my lips and create a blurred image of this miserable life. All the love inside me was killed slowly, no trust is remained.
Oh Life, I've changed so much. I look in the mirror and I can't figure it out who is that pathetic reflection and why does it have that weird smile on her face while imagining herself being happy in all the places in the world, but than a part of her knows that she is only locked in her room and lying. I'm lying to me, and lying to everybody.
Finally, this is not a 'goodbye' letter because I'm a just as terrible with goodbyes as I am with new hello's. I probably will disappear soon. There is no need to say that I'm gonna die, because I am dead already .. and still, I don't understand why my body and mind keeps hopping and thinking that you actually have something good for me.
See you on other side.
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